someone threw a dead crab at me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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