I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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