Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have aggressive nipples.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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