I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
