Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
