marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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