I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
