Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
