The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
