You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
