Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
