Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
