He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
