did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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