is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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