Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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