Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
