Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
