Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she looked like the before picture.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
