Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
