Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
