i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
