Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
