If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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