It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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