His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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