Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
