So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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