Sponge bath it is.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
