I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
