Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He felt like a one man threesome
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
