So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
