There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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