you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
