I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
