so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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