the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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