Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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