Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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