Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
