haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
