I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
