Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
