So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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