when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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