It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
