best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
