I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
