I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
