You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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